Tikal

Fig.1: I'll wait until they install the escalator.

Remember the days of exploring in your backyard and pretending to come across an ancient lost city? Well if your backyard was a rainforest in the El Petén region of Guatemala, this might have become a reality (though your face being clawed off by howling monkey might have become a reality too). This is what reportedly happened to a tree-gum collector named Ambrosio Tut (an awesome name and an awesome profession) in 1848 when he spotted some stone temples rising above the treetops. This proved to be the ancient Mayan city of Tikal, one of the largest and most influential urban centers in Mesoamerican history. At its height, it was home to as many as 75,000 people and controlled other city-states nearly 500 km away. Its power is plainly visible in its many temples (fig.1), built so high that they would have even given Rocky Balboa issues. It was among the most visited and studied Mayan sites in the world until 2012 when, as we all know, the world ended just as the Maya predicted. Boy, do I miss that world.

The Aztec Empire

Fig.1: Egyptians often show up just to laugh at 
the Aztec pyramids.

Among all pre-Columbian Mesoamerican civilizations located in the Central Valley of present-day Mexico, none come more first alphabetically than the Aztecs. Okay, I guess I'll give them more credit than that. The Aztec peoples created one of the most complex and fascinating cultures in North America, and established many customs prevalent within Mexico today. Its so-called "Empire," actually an alliance of three prominent city-states along with their groupies, successfully ruled and expanded throughout the region. They increased their wealth through natural resources and tribute, as well as their side-business through a technological advertising firm ("Let Adztech work for you!"). The main city of Tenochtitlan is estimated to have been the largest city in the world by the beginning of the 16th century, thoroughly embarrassing those feces-encrusted towns of London and Paris. But like pretty much everything, the Spanish had to arrive and screw it all up, conquering their land in the 1520s. Maybe if the Aztec engaged in a little more human sacrifice, their sun deity would have shone more favorably on them (which I would also argue is what currently ails the world economy).

The Darien Scheme

In the 17th century, colonialism was the cool thing to do. Everybody in Europe was getting in on it: the Spanish, the Portuguese, the Dutch, the French, the English, and even those crafty Swedes! It was like Pokémon Cards or Beanie Babies, only more bloody and with an extra dose of religious fanaticism. If you didn't have a colony to exploit and call your own, you were a loserface. And that's what Scotland was during this time: nothing but a pimple-skinned, four-eyed, mouth-breathing, booger-picking loserface. Sure they tried to get their foot in the New World ground with lame-brain attempts like Nova Scotia in Canada (translated from "New Scotland" in Latin) and Perth Amboy, New Jersey (translated from "The Toxic Runoff from Staten Island Settles Here" in Algonquian), but neither of those remained in Scottish hands for longer than a decade. The men of the highlands needed to get a little ambitious in order to stop the bullying and constant wedgies from the other European nations, and hatched a plan (or scheme, if you will) to become masters of two oceans by taking a crucial point in Central America called the Darien.

Fig.1: William III of England was 
only known as William II in 
Scotland, just to low-ball him a 
little bit.

Scotland's urge to become better economically was really based on its relationship with England. While still two separate countries, Scotland and England shared the same monarch, so they were en route to becoming the cluster that is the United Kingdom. The king in the 1690s, William III (fig.1) didn't much care for the Scottish part of his realm, and only allowed England's overseas exploits to prosper and be adapted into adventure novels. Like a good redheaded Celtic stepchild, Scotland still tried to win their monarch's affection, and presented a plan to build a colony in the Darien (present-day Panama). It would be the perfect spot for a trading post in the Caribbean, especially if some sort of canal was eventually constructed in this Panama region that linked the Atlantic and Pacific. I'd call it a long shot of that ever happening, but that's just me.